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What the professor REALLY means!
Khaled Hassan
By Khaled Hassan
Published on 24 December 2006
A funny article about what the professor says and what they actually mean!

What the professor REALLY means!
If you follow these few simple rules, you'll do fine in the course. ----- If you don't need any sleep, you'll do fine in the course.

The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important. ----- I don't understand the details either.

Various authorities agree that. ----- My hunch is that.

The answer to your question is beyond the scope of this class. ----- I don't know.

You'll have to see me during my office hours for a thorough answer to your question. ----- I don't know.

In answer to your question, you must recognize that there are several disparate points of view. ----- I really don't know.

Today we are going to discuss a most important topic. ----- Today we are going to discuss my dissertation.

Unfortunately, we haven't the time to consider all of the people who made contributions to this field. ----- I disagree with what roughly half of the people in this field have said.

We can continue this discussion outside of class. ----- 1. I'm tired of this - let's quit. 2. You're winning the argument - let's quit.

Today we'll let a member of the class lead the discussion. It will be a good educational experience. ----- I stayed out too late last night and didn't have time to prepare a lecture.

Any questions? ----- I'm ready to let you go.

The implications of this study are clear. ----- I don't know what it means either, but there'll be a question about it on the test.

The test will be 50-questions multiple choice. ----- The test will be 60-questions multiple guess, plus three short-answer questions (1000 words or more) and no one will score above 55%

The test scores were generally good. ----- Some of you managed a C+.

The test scores were a little below my expectations. ----- Where was the party last night?

Some of you could have done better. ----- Everyone flunked.

Before we begin the lecture for today, are there any questions about previous material? ----- Has anyone opened the book yet?

According to my sources. ----- According to the guy who taught this class last year...

It's been very rewarding to teach this class. ----- I hope they find someone else to teach it next year.

From the Chronicle of Higher Education By J. Timothy Petersik